Hm, there has been a lot on my mind and i still post here because i have this funny feeling that no one reads this; not that it bothers me much to be honest with you. As far as how I've been "feeling", that question is a little hard to answer since the "feeling" i've had is pretty, not blank, but....neutral. That's the best i could describe it.

Words, like everything and everyone are easy to misplace and misunderstand so i am trying to be sure that what i put here is as sincere as can be...no illusions to be had i assure you...no time to concoct them for an internet crowd as we all do for the rest of the world. Or maybe, you're one who doesn't and the world embraces you or even still perhaps you care nothing for what the world wants of you and you push on through your life being yourself. That is admirable to say the least; which is just the prelude to a series of thoughts: What masks do we all wear in our lives with other people, what brushes do we use to paint upon the canvas of our constituencies.

This may be as significant as a drop of water amongst a waterfall, but...do you ever stop and notice the world around you for what it is? Perhaps i need to rephrase that, just in case you took that to be too mundane; because believe me, what i mean is in no way mundane...its the realization that the mundane is in fact not mundane at all [or perhaps this is just a matter of opinion, why, of course it is.] I mean, it may be weird to you: but to stop and stoop down just to feel the blades of grass caress your hand as you sweep it across it's green expanse...are you reminded of anything? Are you able to see now what you weren't before, as you passed this same patch of grass hundreds of times before in days past? This goes for anything in your life...touch it, feel it, smell it; everything is unique so long as you know it is.

Funny, how things can seem so important; how small things can become so large....monsters in the closet and under our beds; they've never left you, just changed their names. Those clever bastards, but alas the only clever bastard to pat on the back is ourselves...and i speak generally.



They say we only use like 10% of our brains. Does this ever make you wonder what the other 90% is doing? Does it make you want to discover the rest of yourself, in fact the ultimate frontier. Discover ever hole in your logic, every dark spot in your sunshine of optimism and fill it with the sky and the trees and the clouds and the love of loving. Easy to say,

There is this one line that keeps coming to my mind and perhaps it means nothing...or maybe its only the first line to something larger that i'm soon to know...or...fill in? And that line is: "Everyone thinks they know something"...
I mean, maybe it's this something that keeps us up; that is the scaffolding of our continuance into life? That we are prepared with what we "know"...i don't mean to cut anyone's legs off when i say: Perhaps we're not here to know, but to find out? And then to find out more, because i don't believe that we'll ever stop finding things out. Come to think of it, that's what gets to my heart, or at least knocks upon the door of my soul and patters upon its window like rain and my soul take the sounds and sleeps to it until i am able to throw open my door and break the window for the sake of getting out...or finally getting in? That may not be true, perhaps its not that my doors or windows are shut but that i cannot hold the hand of what compels me to move, always move...move to somewhere new, something new that i didn't know before, that i didn't feel before; all of these feelings and knowable things they all go together, compliment one another.

The mountains and the trees of the west coast and the air and the beautiful water and the snow of the mountain pass...they all coincide with knowing...knowing that i know. There's more to it all than this blog could hold or my fingers could type...none of us are incapable as we sometimes feel, or as feeble as the domestication can make one feel. Strong in numbers they say, and we've got plenty of us so why not stay strong?

I believe its time i sleep.

Andrew-
Thanks for reading this if you took the time to.
And if you didn't, the world will never know the difference.
       

So, again i was just stumbling across the expanse of the Internet and came across some quotes. No, i won't put them all here for you to see but i will post this one by Beethoven that really struck me and i hope you like it all the same:

"The real artist has no pride. Unfortunately he sees that his art has no limits. He feels obscurely how far he is from the goal.



While he is perhaps being admired by others, he mourns the fact that he has not yet reached the point to which his better genius, like a distant sun, ever beckons to him."

new font; so, yeah i like to post things that catch my eye and then my thoughts because that way perhaps you can read or see or hear or whatever it is that struck me too and perhaps what i post will be the flint that sparks the same little fire that i got when i read it etc.

Its raining pretty hard out side; hope the in-laws camping trip didn't go sour.

I've been thinking of doing one of those video camera blogs that people do all the time on youtube, i just don't think i would always have material to say on there; or rather that i would start becoming a person that a common media would want me to be (the kind of person that pleases them to see...perhaps because of their selves being similar or that they see the world in such a way that being something other than socially acceptable is something counterproductive to their lives.)
[alright, have you ever just been typing and then all of a sudden you realize that you weren't really thinking THEN writing...just kind of whimsically thinking/typing? well that has just happened above...enjoy the preservation of the moment as i wont delete it.]

Any how i think i'm going to end this and continue just looking on the internet. If i find something i think i should let you all see then no worries that indeed...i shall.

till next time
i bid you all adue
Andrew-

Alright, check it out, two blogs in one day SUH WEEEET.

I am just writing to say that i've put up a new default and its 100% not mine (meaning i didn't draw it nor do i have rights to claim it etc etc etc) I didn't want someone to look at this perhaps because they googled it or something and then think "hey that's mine" and then i'd have to deal with some schmuck telling me i stole his shit.

So, i'm sorry this blog isn't as serious as some of the other peoples on here that i find but i just had to get that out of the way. If i had to talk about anything serious, it would be about how i'm looking for work and for some reason it seems hard. I mean, i've been told " if you want a job just go out and get one" and that i might just have to "suck it up" and work at a fast food joint. But that kind of money can't support a kid, and i've already vowed that i would never work at a fast food place again (after my last time with McDeath).

What do you think? Do you think that i should just go out and deal with some fast food shit (which even then i am not sure i would have a job with them) or do what i feel i should do and that's find a job that i would at least have a little pleasure in doing. And don't make the mistake of thinking i don't want to do anything worth doing, that's just the point...i want to do something that makes me feel like i'm actually DOING something!

Its frustrating where i am right now in my life (yeah, there's more shit)

Well, i'm going to stop typing for now before this blog goes on for years and no one will ever be able to finish reading it.
A